Existential Kink

Behold, the first book I read this year worthy of its own review Whimsie:

Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power (A method for getting what you want by getting off on what you don’t) by Carolyn Elliot

Meandering-yet-accurate title aside…

What a paradox Existential Kink was—one of the worst constructed and written, yet most eye-opening, insightful, and perspective-shifting books I’ve ever read.

First, the bad:

The writing is fluffy, convoluted, and self-indulgent—especially in the beginning, but does improve (somewhat—still not great) as the book goes on. 

There’s a generous helping of interpretive Greek mythology and off-the-cuff references to Wiccan, a religion rooted in magick. Great if you’re knowledgeable about and/or subscribe to their beliefs, off-putting if you think they’re bunk, and confusing if you’re just trying to decipher the ideas on the page in front of you.

And let’s not forget the general air of “this approach helped me work through my shit so this is what EVERYONE needs to do,” which admittedly, isn’t unique to this book and is a common flaw of personal development books, courses, and coaching.

However! 

The lines of self-inquiry into why you don’t have the life that you want are eye-opening to say the least. Heavily rooted in Jungian Shadow theory—where our subconscious desires conflict with our Egos and cause all kind of havoc—my understanding of why certain aspects of my life are the way they are (and how I can shift them) deepened massively thanks to the questions posed in Existential Kink. 

Which essentially boils down to:

“What do you like about the circumstances you say you don’t like?”

The idea being that buried in your subconscious, a part of you likes not earning the money you want… A part of you likes not having the loving, fulfilling relationship you want… A part of you likes feeling sexually unfilled… A part of you likes not doing work that lights you up inside, or whatever else you may not like about your life. 

Whether through ignorance or insistence, these “kinks” get shoved into the subconscious, and you get leakage—often in weird, strange, harmful ways, manifesting exactly what you claim you don’t want.

Put another way, where you focus your energy—even your “I don’t like this one bit” energy—becomes manifest, for better or for worse.

The solution?

Practice accepting that you do actually really, really like the thing(s) you claim to dislike about your life—even though the reasons are often kinda-sorta fucked, tough to swallow, trauma-related, and require an uncomfortable degree of self-honesty. 

But you have to accept these aspects of your ‘shadow’ before you can integrate them into your awareness. Only then can you stop self-repressing, establish a healthy relationship with these dark parts of yourself, releasing their power over you.

There—now you don’t have to read the book yourself. Unless of course you, like me who could have read a summary instead, would prefer to marinate in somewhat-woo and definitely-witchy wisdom firsthand.

With love from the forest,

~ Alexander

P.S. The last two weeks have sped by in a blur of snow-capped sunshine and cedar-scented air, ink-speckled fingers and well-worn keys, sweaty shirts and sore muscles, many pages turned and chess pieces captured. 

At long last, tomorrow is psilocybin ceremony time. In hindsight, I’m grateful for the two week delay—which allowed me to squeeze more juice from thinking, questioning, and writing, all ripe for review in a new light, with an altered perspective.

Catch you Friday.