Fucked Me Up On A Spiritual Level

In the last two and a half years, I’ve been to at least a couple dozen shows.

Seen over a hundred sets. Mostly drum’n’bass, but dubstep has seduced me lately.

Save for a couple of dnb crowds that were too cramped or too zooted on the awfully annoying-to-be-around combo of ketamine and cocaine, I’ve never had a bad time.

And they all pale in comparison to Alison Wonderland, for about a dozen reasons.

In her words, she fucked me up on a spiritual level.

Here’s one reason.

———

Over the past year, I’ve made a habit of following threads of curiosity.

If a thought, idea, or feeling bubbles up in a way that feels compelling, unusually significant or meaningful, or sticks with me, I dig in and explore what’s come alive.

I do this no matter how strange, silly, or unexpected the curiosity. No more judging, shrinking, suppressing, or ignoring what my body and subconscious signal to me.

One such unexpected bubbling happened last December, with a little help from Spotify, who floated Alison Wonderland’s new album onto my home page. Which was a surprise, given I hadn’t been listening to anything remotely close to her, nor even thought of her since first hearing her music in 2018 and not connecting with it.

This time, I did connect. Deeply.

Not understanding why, I kept listening.

Not a week later, she announced a show in Vancouver in March.

I saw a path emerging and bought a ticket immediately.

———

When I started mixing and set about defining my sound, I brought a few of her songs with me. Not because they logically fit with the direction I felt called to, but because I enjoyed them and wanted to see if I somehow could find a way of integrating them.

I’d eye them often, but didn’t touch them.

The sound I’ve been drawn to is deep, dark, and heavy. Basslines that prowl. Vocal fragments that hit hard because they’re sparse in frequency and sharp in meaning.

Stuff like this: Lion - Truth / Feel It Out - Khiva / Tantra - Atliens

This sound felt like home from the beginning, like lineage, but not complete.

The deep, dark, and heavy stuff is a very masculine sound, energetically speaking. I knew I didn’t want to spend an hour-long set exclusively in this realm. Too much.

But I didn’t know what I was looking for at first.

Just… something to bring balance and harmony to the deep and dark.

Turns out what I’d been looking for had been in front of me all along.

Alison’s music is emotionally rich and energetically vibrant. Very much ‘chaotic inner world being expressed’ into the sonic realm. Less restraint than the dark stuff, far more vulnerability. Instead of being grounded down, you’re lifted up.

I want my music to do both.

As I stood in the shower after the show, hot water rinsing the night’s sweat from my skin, I realized she’d just shown me the missing piece to the sound I’d been circling.

A strong, steady, and dark foundation that holds the song, harmonized with bright, meaningful vocals and uplifting, almost-angelic melodies. Masculine and feminine energy, dark and light, woven together in harmony. Dancing. Integrated. Whole. 

———

Many, many moons ago, I came across a piece of writing advice from Neil Gaiman:

“Most of us only find our voice after we’ve sounded like a lot of other people.”

This was true with my writing journey, and is proving true musically too.

My desire to produce music—turn silence into song—has been a proper headache. 

Like, hooooow?!

But now…

I know what I want to make.

Thanks to Truth, Khiva, Atliens, and Alison Wonderland, Siren Jinx has orientation.

Now we start walking.

You’re welcome to come along.

With love from the forest,

~ Alexander