Here I Go

‘Twas 2019 when the Universe brushed me with a feather of music for the first time.

Which came in the form of this thought:

“I’d like to do something with music… how cool would that be?!”

That emerging desire led to downloading FL Studio and buying a Masterclass course on music production by Kygo, my favourite DJ and producer at the time.

And awaaaay I went…

…

…

Between living somewhere I couldn’t stand, life feeling unsettled, my copywriting business being in ascendancy, and the beginning of my descent into ash…

The timing was awful.

FL Studio was confusing, frustrating, and overwhelming.

The course was little more than an ‘over the shoulder’ perspective of someone who had been producing for years and years, rather than beginner-oriented instruction.

And my identity was clinging to the ghosts of my hockey playing past while immersed in bodybuilding, writing, and business building. 

In case I haven’t made this obvious in my writing this year, genuine change that roots, is successful, and sustainable does not happen without identity evolution.

Needless to say, that first foray into “doing something with music” didn’t last long. 

Then came more nomading, ye olde ‘rona, a growing business, and collapse.

My dream of DJing and producing faded, suffering death by abandonment.

…

…

In returning to myself this year, without effort or thought, music returned too.

Singing came first, thanks to following threads of curiosity, teaching me that despite the lies I’d spoon-fed myself for years, rhythm is no mystery and my ear is quite sharp.

Mixing then slipped its way into my life in similar fashion, in the form of one of my good friends in Vancouver receiving a controller for his birthday. I knew within minutes of fucking around together that if I had my own, I’d obsessssss, as I do.

But I didn’t push, didn’t rush, didn’t buy my own immediately.

Intuition told me the time wasn’t ripe, that I needed to make space in my life first.

Honestly, in the process of waiting and space-making, mixing fell off my radar…

Until a week before Christmas, when my mom asked what I might like. Not being one for things, I drew a blank at first… then mixing came rushing back to the fore.

Now here we are:

• DJ Controller - check.

• Speakers - check.

• Subwoofer <333 - check.

• Headphones - check.

• Obsession - check.

Much like singing, getting my feet wet with mixing has been a beautiful revelation—the quiet coalescence of soft skills I’ve been honing for most of my life: 

Thematic playlist building and intentional song sequencing, architecting narrative and emotional arcs, leaning into a sixth sense for natural endings, a kink for contrast… along with the more recent additions of rhythm and musicality.

None of these skills or inclinations are new, just being deployed in a new way.

So, mixing has come jaw-droppingly easy. Which isn’t to say I don’t have much to learn or technique to hone, but I’m not struggling, panicking, or second-guessing.

Making energetically and emotionally complementary and coherent song selections has come to me like breathing (to be fair, I’m working with a deep library I know well). 

I’m finding the timing to end or begin a song without thought.

I’m subconsciously attuned, accurate EQ decisions that I can’t explain.

And the ideas I’ve played with for layering songs have almost all worked.

Truth be told, I’ve been shell-shocked, and delighted by the integration.

Allllll of which I can sense nudging me towards production soonS, starting with my ever-growing list of punk rock and cartoon theme song drum’n’bass remix ideas.

So!

I intend to ride the musical wave that emerged in 2025 and see where the surf takes me in 2026… for music appears to be what deep down, I’ve always wanted to do.

With love from the forest,

~ Alexander

P.S. This story is a continuation of 2025’s final Whimsie, Here I Am, if you missed that.