The Musical Rollercoaster

My musical endeavours have been quite the topsy-turvy rollercoaster of late.

From being at a show and feeling overcome with the frustration of “I’m SO capable of doing this” to feeling like my first show booking is a million years away to being invited into a leadership position at the event promo company I’ve been helping to three mixes being nearly ready for release to producing my first three loops...

(Phew. Written like the emotional mouthful that the past twelve days have been.)

At last, truly pursuing music has forced a curious examination of timing.

I first thought “doing something with music would be neat” back in 2019. 

Which led to buying a Masterclass course on production that was more cheerleading than substance, downloading FL Studio (a production software) which immediately overwhelmed me, and about a month of half-hearted effort before I fizzled out.

Looking back, my approach to learning wasn’t great, nor was the timing. And who I was wasn’t ready. I hadn’t spent any time training my ear. I wasn’t going to shows or intentionally pushing what I listen to into new territory. I was disconnected from my intuition. I tried learning a tool without knowing how I wanted to use it.

Most importantly, I didn’t believe that I could do something with music. There was way too much bodybuilder-nomad-online business dude identity in the way.

Solving those problems has changed everything.

I intentionally crafted a life that supports a music project.

I determined what I need to learn by figuring out what I want to create.

I let go of every past version of myself so that the ‘musical me’ has room to bloom.

The difference in result is stark.

I’ve had Ableton (another production software) for a little over a week, and spent 8 hours or so fiddling around, exploring, playing, and seeing what I can cook up…

Which has led to creating three loops that I’m absolutely delighted with.

Not songs, but foundational elements of what could become my first three tracks.

One in particular is brilliant, if I may say so. I looove it… it’s got a flowy, quicksilver-like energy, an eerie, rolling bassline, and a dangerous softness that’s a little haunting…

Anyway… 

Much gets said in personal development circles about how you shouldn’t wait for “the right time” to take action. That if you wait for readiness, you’ll never act. That if you want to change something about yourself or your life, that you just gotta jump.

Which there’s some truth to… 

But what I don’t see talked about is the difference between forcing timing that just isn’t there, and allowing life’s twists to reveal and move you when the time is right. 

Forcing timing is like navigating life as if you’re a bull in a china shop.

Submitting to timing is like floating gently, sweetly down a river.

With the former, you may get what you want, but you will pay a price.

With the latter, you’ll end up where you want, maybe just not as you envisioned.

There’s a special magic that arises when you stop trying to force an outcome…

And instead choose a path that you’re thrilled to walk, letting happen what may.

With love from the forest,

~ Alexander