Birthday Musings & Mutterings

Birthdays have become a curious time in Wiz’s world—offering up crystal-clear timestamps of where I’ve been in the world, what I’ve been up to, and how I’ve been doing. For me, as I’m sure for many, birthdays are a time ripe for reflection.

And as I’ve slipped into a pool of reflection, I’ve come to realise a few things:

#1. Yuki is amongst the most delightful cats on the planet, I love her to bits, and I feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy to have been able to offer her a safe haven to live in.

#2. I don’t believe I’ve been living up to my potential, leaving life gains, progress, and accomplishments on the table in favour of safety, comfort, ease, and familiarity.

#3. The forest is an incredible place to live, and one of my favourite sensory experiences across the entire year is standing outside on a cool, drizzly, overcast fall morning, inhaling a cocktail of aromas—woodsmoke and petrichor, cedar and fir.

I also realised that regardless of where I’ve been in the world and how I’ve been doing, for the past 6 years, I’ve celebrated each trip around the sun with a blend of psychedelics, a novel experience out in the world, and a dinner with family and/or friends (not all at once though—those are separate events, because reasons).

This year is no different—and due to logistics and availability, my celebrations are spread over two weeks, featuring all of my favourite things.

This coming weekend, Alicia and I are off to Vancouver to see one of my favourite non-drum’n’bass duos, Giolì & Assia, whose music is an intoxicating and creative blend of haunting and evocative vocals, live multi-instrumentalism, and electronic production. And in a long-awaited treat for myself whilst in the big city, I’m going to complete the nose piercing-triad that I’ve been waiting what feels forever like for.

The following weekend will bring a long overdue day of zooming around the racetrack in my car with one of my good friends, surely a bag of cheeseburgers and a few ciders, followed by a family dinner celebrating both my step-dad and I’s birthday.

For the quiet moments in between, there’ll be much-appreciated doses of awe-njoyment in the form of MotoGP races on each weekend, many pages turned of the fantasy-heist series that I started reading recently (Gentlemen Bastards), building Lego with Alicia, playtime with Yuki, and Katsu cuddles. What more could I ask for?

The reason I’m sharing these mutterings, musings, and celebratory plans with you is because I needed the external perspective on my birthday that few things save for writing can offer. In writing, I realise I have much to be excited about and grateful for… Which are two thoughts/feelings that I’ve found elusive in recent times.

In a similar vein as I shared in Turning the Page, the transitional space of redefinition, redirection, and rebirth that I’ve been navigating on the project/business front has largely been a frustrating and confusing space to be in.

Much to my chagrin, this isn’t the first birthday where I’ve felt frustrated with life at large. I don’t want to hide these feelings from myself, you, or my writing—and I want to recognise and remind myself that I’m not stuck with them either.

As above, the next couple weeks will feature all of my favourite experiences, and then some. And on the project/business front, I’ve found some clarity recently that’s helping alleviate the frustration and confusion. I have a few wrinkles yet to iron out, but I’ll share the details of what I’ll be turning my attention to with you soon.

Whether or not I wanted or felt ready to dive into a new chapter is irrelevant.

The universe apparently has its own agenda for me, and thus my next year looks to be one of rebirth, of blooming anew, and if all goes well, ascending to new levels of life. Thank you for choosing to come with me on this adventure.

On that note, with celebrations waiting for the weekend, today is for writing, reading, sipping goodgood coffee, playing chess, and quality time with Alicia and the cats.

With love from the forest,

~ Alexander ‘Wiz’ Mullan